Losing My Perspicacity June 7, 2024

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This is my first LMP since I took a few days off for surgery, which, in hindsight, was wildly optimistic. I don’t want to go into specifics about my procedure because I know my dedicated trolls will turn it into something it’s not, but I will say that it was ortho-related, entirely elective, and fairly routine. And while it’s remarkable that medical science in this day and age can slice you open, fix your bones, staple you back up, and send you back home a few hours later, I learned the hard way that doesn’t actually mean you’ll be recovered enough to return to work that quickly. In fact, you might actually be hopped up on goofballs for much longer, making doing anything more than intermittently napping seem like hiking to Everest Base Camp.

So thanks to all my subscribers for their patience with my grandiose ideas about healing time, my long-suffering husband for managing to be a full-time nurse and hold down a full-time job, and the wonderful doctors and nurses who took care of me on surgery day and the days that followed. I’d also like to apologize to my anesthesiologist, who injected me with something so good that all I remember from that point on was slurring, “I bet you get invited to a lot of parties with this stuff,” and then proceeding to call him “Kevin” when I woke up, despite the fact that a) I should have been calling him “Doctor” and b) his first name was actually Mike. This, however, was still a big improvement from previous experiences with general anesthesia. When I got my wisdom teeth out, I kept making the sign of the cross at a dental assistant and screaming every time she came near me because she went to Purdue. So.

Anyway, a lot happened this week that I’d love to weigh in on, but I’m going to keep in mind that I’m still mostly in recovery mode here and that you’ve probably already read quite a bit on these topics this week.

Away we go.

Stop being so weird about the WNBA

It was admittedly through a drug-addled haze that I watched a bunch of bizarre moments surrounding the WNBA go down this week, and I was really tempted to pull out the old laptop and fire something off. But after posting a few things on Bluesky and Instagram that were riddled with typos and only kind of made sense, I decided to wait until I was off the good painkillers to write anything. Rather than submitting my treatise on misogyny and the WNBA, I think I’ll just fire off some random thoughts on watching this all go down from afar:

1) While it’s been amazing to watch mainstream America embrace the W, I’d be lying if I didn’t wish the majority of the male talking heads in the sports world would just stay out of it, with the notable exceptions of guys like Howard Megdal and David Berri, who have been championing the women’s game for years. After all, it’s been women, especially women of color, who have been doing most of the coverage of the WNBA, often for very little pay and too often for free. To see guys like Stephen A. Smith and Pat McAfee blundering their way through discussing the league, when they know next-to-nothing about anything but Caitlin Clark, is doing more harm than good.

2) Monica McNutt was absolutely right to call out Stephen A. for his ridiculous takes on the W vs. Caitlin Clark, and you know she hit him where it hurts, because he’s still whining about it.

For Stephen A. to position himself as some kind of champion of women’s sports (or even women in general) is mind-bogglingly insane. How many times has he had to apologize for making weird, sexist comments? Am I the only one who remembers him saying that domestic violence victims have to take responsibility for provoking their abusers? Does no one else remember Michelle Beadle calling him out for being a Ray Rice apologist? The hard truth is that Stephen A. has always been sexist, and to try to portray himself as some sort of champion of women is laughable. I understand that Stephen A. does not see himself this way, but I put him on the same level as Aaron Rodgers when it comes to thinking he’s the smartest guy in the room and being very much not…that. At the end of the day, Stephen A. doesn’t know enough about the WNBA to comment on it, and he should leave it there. Give his show to Monica — God knows it would be more interesting.

Speaking of Michelle Beadle, I just wanted to take a moment to point out that while Monica deserves all the kudos she’s getting for pointing out the obvious, plenty of women who have done that in the past are no longer working in sports media. I just saw a New Yorker piece on Malika Andrews and the heat she gets for talking about NBA players and violence against women, and she likewise deserves all the praise for it, but she’s not the first. She’s merely one who has been allowed to stay. Women like Michelle Beadle, Jane McManus, and many others, who routinely tried to keep allegations of domestic violence and sexual assault by athletes on the public’s radar, have been too often shown the door by big media outlets. I experienced my fair share of blowback from the Cubs when I was working for their flagship radio station over my comments on Addison Russell. So while we rightly praise the next generation of media superstars for standing up for what’s right, remember that there is an entire wave of women who were not allowed to ask those questions and remain in the industry.

3) A “white bitch?” Really, Pat McAfee? I can’t wait until this guy and his omnipresent armpits are gone from the airwaves. But never fear, soon Aaron Rodgers will be back spouting conspiracy theories about chemtrails and 5G, and McAfee won’t even remember that women’s sports exist. I did think it was very telling about McAfee’s audience and the audience ESPN is intentionally courting that, of the four guys on camera at the time, not one of them objected or even blanched at McAfee using the term “bitch” to refer to a woman. Tell me some more about how sports media wants women to feel welcome.

4) I weighed in on how I felt about white men everywhere screeching to high heaven about Caitlin Clark getting knocked around in the WNBA early last week, and I stand by what I said: Rookies in the WNBA, like anywhere else, have always been knocked around, because the WBA, like it’s male counterpart, is a big girls’ league with women who have been pro athletes for decades. I don’t recall the same level of outrage with any of the hard shots Aaliyah Boston took her rookie year, nor did I see anyone complaining about Angel Reese getting choke-slammed by Alyssa Thomas. Yes, Caitlin Clark is bringing a lot of new eyeballs to the W. That does not, however, mean that opposing players are obligated to treat her any differently than any other hotshot rookie who comes into the league. More than that, Caitlin Clark is a big girl who can take care of herself and doesn’t need guys like Charles Barkley, who once threw a man through a plate glass window, to lecture her colleagues on non-violence. And having so many men screaming about protecting her both infantilizes her and puts her in a terrible position vis-a-vis the rest of the league. And all this is before we get to the differences in the way America talks about white and Black female athletes.

5) All of that said, Chennedy Carter’s foul heard ‘round the world on Clark was not a basketball play. As many have pointed out, Carter has had issues in the past regulating her emotions in the heat of the moment. Hmmm…. where have we seen that before? Oh! I know — every men’s pro sports league EVER. Remember the bloody fist-fight between LeBron and Isaiah Stewart? Remember all of Grayson Allen’s cheap shots? I don’t remember a bunch of handwringing over protecting the NBA’s meal ticket or Stewart’s jealousy of LeBron or disgruntled fans showing up at the team hotel to confront Allen.

Here’s the bottom line: Women are just as tough and competitive and physical as men. They are pro athletes who do not need our protection, especially from men who are tuning into the league for the first time. Caitlin Clark, like every rookie before her, will adjust, become more physical, and take care of herself. Stop being weird.

I’ll give the Aces’ Alysha Clark the last word:

Now, for some fun with the WNBA

I don’t know if there’s a better story in this young WNBA season than the Las Vegas Aces’ love affair with rookie Kate Martin. Martin, as you recall, showed up to the WNBA draft to support teammate Caitlin Clark, and wound up getting drafted herself. Against the odds, Martin made the team and, as I saw one fan post yesterday, the Aces seem to be intent on hazing Martin by “loving her to death.” This is what they did to her on her birthday.

And then they pranked her by trying to leave her at a steakhouse:

It’s the hysterical laughter rather than trying to stop the bus for me.

WNBA superstar A’ja Wilson went out to get Martin a crown and birthday cake herself (as opposed to making a staffer or younger teammate do it), which seems like a real testament to how this team feels about her:

Show me a better love story. Bridgerton has nothing on the Aces.

The Washington Post is in chaos

I know it seems like things in journalism couldn't get worse, but what if I told you that one of America’s most respected investigative outlets fired its Executive Editor because the paper was about to report on its publisher being included in a lawsuit against Rupert Murdoch?

From the NYT:

Any first-year journalism student could tell you that the head of an outlet trying to keep his reporters from reporting on him is a huge conflict of interest and a complete anathema to everything the Washington Post has stood for since the Pentagon Papers and Watergate days. But wait, it gets so much worse!

According to NPR’s David Folkenflik, Lewis attempted to get NPR to drop a story on the same topic in exchange for an exclusive interview about WaPo’s future.

Democracy dies in darkness, indeed. Or something.

It’s no secret that journalism has been taken over by private equity firms that care more about stripping outlets of their resources, laying off their staff, and selling them off for parts than they do any of the tenants of actual journalism. Up until now and ahead of one of the most important elections in America’s history, it’s felt like journalism in the United States was on life support. But it’s hard to overstate the blow of finding out that this is how WaPo is conducting business behind the scenes is having on what journalists remain in the industry.

An entire generation was inspired to take up a pen and notepad thanks to the heroic reporting of the Post in the 1970s, helped along by movies like All the President’s Men and (later) The Post, and while we watch local dailies die a slow and brutal death, there was always some hope in that papers like WaPo and the NYT are still out there. That feeling about WaPo died for me when the paper sided with those harassing reporter Felicia Somnez instead of protecting their reporter, but I have a feeling it has died for many more in the last few days.

I don’t know where US journalism goes from here, but I feel for all those in the WaPo newsroom, who are surely gutted by the revelations of the last few days. Courage.

That’s one way to make a living

Shohei Ohtani’s former interpreter, Ippei Mizuhara, fresh off pleading guilty to federal fraud charges, has been spotted delivering Uber Eats in the Los Angeles area.

Nothing wrong with that, of course, everyone has to make a living. But while Mizuhara’s sentencing will not take place until late October, it undoubtedly will have a provision requiring him to pay back a good chunk of the $17 million he admitted stealing from Ohtani. Hard to see how you get there one Uber Eats order at a time. That said, it’s hard to imagine Mizuhara getting hired to do anything, given the scope and depravity of his actions. Good luck with that.

Some thoughts on “Ope!”

It’s only come to my attention in the last few years that the expression “ope!” is limited to the Midwest. With all due respect, I’m not sure how the rest of you are getting by without such a versatile word. Sort of like how I only realized from watching The Bear that Italian beef is not eaten nationwide, and…the hell?

I see a discussion about “ope!” popping up on social media every couple of weeks and, to be honest, a lot is being left out. Everyone knows, for example, that “ope” has various meanings depending on the context of a given situation. For example, “ope!” can mean all of the following:

1. I’m sorry

2. You’re sorry

3. Excuse me

4. Excuse YOU

5. Let me squeeze past you here

6. I am noticing you trying to squeeze past me and this is my negative reaction to it

7. You dropped this

8. I dropped this

Etcetera. But it also has more complex uses that almost never get mentioned, like “you should have said ‘ope!’ but you didn’t so now I have to say it.” It’s also something you say to a small child that has, for example, fallen down, as you scoop them up and try to convince them they’re fine before they start screaming. Like I said, I have no idea how the rest of the country is getting along without this expression.

But one thing that always bugs me about “ope!” discourse is that people outside the Midwest seem to think it’s pronounced “OHp,” as in rope, or “OOp” as in whoop. That might be true in places like Northern Wisconsin, Minnesota, and the Upper Peninsula, but I’ve grown up with the Northern Illinois/Chicagoland version of “ope!” which is sort of a cross between “oop” and “up.” If it were French, it would be spelled “euhP!” The emphasis is always on the “P,” which you pop a tiny bit. I feel the need to explain this because I am tired of my friends from the coasts mocking us by saying “OHpe!” all the time. The vowel sound at the beginning is barely a sound. To pronounce it correctly, you both say and don’t say the “o” part. Actually, you don’t really say the “p” part either. If you hit the “P” too hard, you sound aggressive, and the entire point of “ope!” is not to sound aggressive.

Thus ends my contribution to humanity for the week.

Have a great weekend. See you all on Monday.