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Good morning and Happy Friday! Thanks for reading today.
First, a bit of housekeeping. Ever since I migrated this site to beehiv’s “new” platform, there have been some weird bugs, like stories that won’t “unfeature” on the main page and comments that I can’t access. Just a heads-up that I sent a list of all the bugs to IT, and hopefully we’ll get them sorted. So if you’ve been running into issues as well, rest assured that I’m working on it.
I sat down yesterday afternoon, all set to write about the Democrats’ amateurish “autopsy” of the 2024 general election. You know, the one they decided not to release, which gave rise to all kinds of conspiracies about what’s in it. We’ll get to that in a moment, but first I have to tell you about missing House member Tom Kean (R-NJ).
If you’re like me, you’ve probably been hearing bits of news here and there about Kean, who hasn’t been on Capitol Hill for more than 75 days, and his unknown whereabouts, ostensibly for “personal health reasons.” So far, Kean has missed 11 weeks of work and nearly 100 House votes. Personally, I keep confusing him with the guy whose private health information Trump blurted out in one of his afternoon pre-nap purges, but that was Neal Dunn (R-FL).
I suppose it’s not rare for a member of Congress to take an extended absence for health reasons, but it is unprecedented for one to do so without providing some explanation and a timeline for their return to their constituents. Kean has failed to do either. Even Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) doesn’t seem to know where Kean is or when he’ll be back, but Johnson never knows much of anything.
On Wednesday, Johnson said he’d talked to Kean “a few weeks ago now” and that Kean had assured him he’d be back “soon.” The speaker has little room for error as he will attempt to push through a partisan budget bill this week and can lose only two Republican votes on the legislation if all Democrats are present and oppose it.
“He’s had a medical issue, and he’s going to be fully transparent and disclose all that — I mean, that’s what he told me,” Johnson told reporters. “But I don’t even know the details, and, you know, I have to respect that it’s a member’s personal privacy on whatever matters they’re dealing with.”
Given that Republicans need every vote they can get in the House, especially given Bill Cassidy's (R-LA) and Tom Massie’s (R-KY) ousters in their primaries (and their seeming intent to do as much damage as possible before the end of their terms), you’d think Johnson would have a little more urgency. Then, of course, there’s the fact that Kean’s salary is paid by taxpayers, and if he’s not going to be available to represent his constituents, he should explain to them why.
Then again, we’re in the Upside Down, which means that it’s on the American people and the press to figure out what’s going on with Kean, because he’s in the “I can do what I want” party, and God knows they aren’t going to tell us anything. Before we get any further into the story, I have to draw your attention to what Kean’s chief of staff said about his absence.
After reporters and other lawmakers started questioning Kean’s whereabouts, the congressman put out a statement on April 27 that cited “a personal medical issue” and said, “My doctors continue to assure me that my recovery will be complete and that I will be back to the job I love very soon.” But then his appearances scheduled for late May were canceled, and his chief of staff, Dan Scharfenberger, made the intriguing comment to The New York Times that “there’s no cameras where Tom is.”
THERE’S NO CAMERAS WHERE TOM IS. (sic) Yikes.
Am I the only one who read that in Tony Soprano’s voice? Is he “fishing the East River” in a pair of cement galoshes? Here’s what happened when a NOTUS reporter went to Kean’s home to try to track him down.
Kean’s two-story Tudor-style house has been dark for weeks, according to three neighbors who spoke to NOTUS but preferred not to be identified to avoid irking this politically powerful member of their community. Kean’s wife hasn’t been spotted walking the family dog. No one could remember the last time her car was parked in the driveway. A single gardening glove was left on the front lawn this past weekend.
Good Lord. This got dark fast. Do we need to get Keith Morrison involved?
I approached the house to knock on the door. A black, long-stationary Ford F-150 sitting outside Kean’s home was coated in yellow pollen. The front door’s thumb-latch handle was partially detached and unscrewed from the blue-painted wood. A yard sign for Jack Ciattarelli’s failed 2025 gubernatorial campaign was in a trash heap in the den. No one answered either of two Reolink video-recording doorbells in the front of the house, which would have alerted the Keans to my presence six seconds before I rang anyway. All the first-floor windows remained uncovered, despite the scorching sun.
Eventually, Kean’s wife showed up.
Then his wife, Rhonda Kean, appeared. I approached her Tuesday morning as she unpacked the trunk of her blue Land Rover Defender. She had returned home just in time for trash pickup day. Asked about the status of her husband, she winced and replied, “No comment.” Mrs. Kean was soon joined by a friend and quickly ushered inside.
Entirely unhelpful. I’m all for respecting people’s privacy, but Kean chose to work for the people of New Jersey in a very public role. When someone wants privacy, they typically don’t run for Congress.
One thing we can count on, besides death and taxes, is Congress trading stocks, which Kean appeared to have been doing as recently as mid-April.
During that time, NOTUS discovered that Kean had kept trading stocks; he submitted financial transaction reports to Congress, digitally signed on April 13, that indicated he bought and sold shares of eight stocks from mid- to late March with a combined value of between $50,008 and $190,000.
A consultant who works with Kean’s team told NOTUS that the congressman is under the care of doctors and is expected to be “100 percent healthy,” and his social media team has upped Kean’s posting since people started asking questions about his whereabouts. Interestingly, there doesn’t appear to be anyone willing to go on the record who has actually laid eyes on Kean in the last month. If anyone has, they aren’t willing to talk about it.
My guess is that Kean is in a rehab facility somewhere, but it’s hard to imagine Republicans wouldn’t be willing to yank Kean out of that for important votes, à la Logan and Kendall Roy. Experts say that a 60- 90-day stay in rehab leads to higher success rates than the standard 30-day stay, so it’s possible we could be hearing from Kean relatively soon. If, however, Kean isn’t in rehab, it opens up a whole host of questions about what this means for his constituents.
The further we progress into Trump’s second term, the more I bemoan that the Framers of our democracy didn’t give voters any mechanism to recall elected officials. Don’t say “impeachment,” which relies on the willingness of Congress to enact the will of the people. I’m talking about a 60 percent recall threshold via a special election or referendum. While Kean is MIA and unwilling to say where, why, or when he’ll be back, the people of NJ-7 are completely unrepresented in Congress. That’s unacceptable.
But surprise! While I was writing this, “Tom Kean” gave an update to the New Jersey Globe on his status:
“My doctors are confident that I’m on the road to a full recovery,” Kean, 57, told the newspaper during a telephone interview, the first since his illness. “I understand the need for public transparency, and I appreciate the support of my constituents.”
The congressman said that his prognosis is positive, signaling no long-term health complications, and that his medical issue would not impact his cognitive ability.
“I anticipate that in the next couple of weeks, I’ll return to voting and to the campaign trail,” he told the Globe, making it clear that he was seeking re-election for a third term this year. “I’m running.””
He’s running? Dude, you’ve been missing for almost three months! The election is in November; it’s almost June. What the fuck.
I guess holding Kean accountable for his refusal to be transparent about his health is between the people of NJ-7 and their rep. If Kean were my rep, I’d be furious. Four Democrats are vying to replace Kean at the midterms, with Rebecca Bennett reportedly leading the pack. Kean’s district has been listed as one of the most vulnerable for Republicans in 2026. Trump won the district by just one percentage point in 2024.
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In other news: The DNC’s autopsy report is a hot mess; A crazy day in the trial of the Broadview Six; Father of the Year strikes again; and The High Note.
Let’s go.
Looks like we won’t get a budget vote until June
According to members of Congress, their colleagues are leaving town after being told there won’t be a vote on the budget reconciliation bill until June at the earliest. So what gummed up the works for Republicans? It looks like it was the $1 billion Trump wanted for his ballroom, alongside his $1.8 billion slush fund to reward January 6ers for their loyalty.
The Trump administration’s push for a $1.8 billion “anti-weaponization” fund derailed Senate Republicans’ plans to pass the president’s priority immigration enforcement package.
Senators left Washington for their Memorial Day recess Thursday with Republicans saying they were blindsided by the Justice Department’s announcement of the fund and at odds over how to rein it in.
The issue had become so toxic for the Senate GOP that there were doubts they could muster 50 votes needed to pass the broader bill that would provide tens of billions of dollars to US Immigration and Customs Enforcement and border patrol. President Donald Trump had demanded the package land on his desk by June 1, but GOP lawmakers will now almost certainly miss that deadline.
Happily, this also means that Congress is leaving town for the holiday without funding DHS. Every once in a while, Democrats fall ass-backward into a win. Congrats!
Speaking of ass-backwardness, let’s talk about the DNC autopsy of the 2024 election.
A while back, I shared this piece about what went wrong for Democrats in 2024. That piece mentioned an “autopsy” report that the DNC had commissioned and then decided against releasing. Yesterday, we learned why.
The report is so bad and so poorly sourced and cited that the DNC added a disclaimer to the top of every page saying it’s bad and you shouldn’t trust it.
As noted, the report doesn’t mention the effect the Biden administration’s support for Israel had on the voting outcome, nor does it mention Gaza or the genocide against the Palestinian people. The report is also red-lined to hell and back, with the DNC pointing out the lack of evidence cited and flat-out false claims throughout the entire thing.
This 50,000-page diatribe, which basically concludes that Dems need to be more moderate, was written by Paul Rivera, a “strategist” who “no longer advises the DNC,” according to DNC Chair Ken Martin. I wonder how much they paid this guy for this dreck. I could have easily written 50,000 words on my beliefs on what went wrong, and for a lot less than the DNC probably paid Rivera. Opining on politics is easy when you don’t have to cite any evidence to back up your claims.
Martin has apologized for the report and for the way he handled it. It’s amateur hour at the DNC. Bring back Howard Dean.
Charges dropped against the ‘Broadview 6’
The DOJ dropped all pending charges against the Broadview 6, a group of activists and local officials who were charged for protesting outside the ICE facility near Chicago, which notably included then-congressional candidate Kat Abughazaleh. The charges were dropped with prejudice, meaning they can’t be refiled.
But the reason the DOJ dropped the charges has stunned the Chicago legal community, as gross misconduct was revealed on the part of US Attorney Andrew Boutros’s office.
Boutros told the court the decision to dismiss charges was due to improper handling of the grand jury proceedings by the lead prosecutor in the case. A rare federal trial for misdemeanor charges set to begin next week was also canceled.
***
(Defense attorney Chris) Parente said during the grand jury sessions, prosecutors used vouching, which he called a "101 no-no for any prosecutor," kicked out grand jury members who disagreed with them, did not disclose that a No True Bill – which indicates no indictment – had been returned to either the defense or the public. Parente also said that after receiving the No True Bill from one grand jury, they re-presented their case after excluding grand jurors who disagreed with them. The grand jury then returned a True Bill to indict the "Broadview Six."
Parente also said that while Judge Perry thought only 30 lines in the transcript had been redacted, prosecutors actually left out entire pages and never informed her.
YEEOW, that is some of the worst prosecutorial misconduct I’ve heard of in my life, and I worked in a county where the prosecutors were absolute assholes. For the non-lawyerly among us, “vouching” is when a prosecutor assures the grand jury that they have an especially strong case or a very credible witness. For example, a prosecutor might say, “We won’t show you all the evidence we have, but trust me, we have enough,” or “Why would this police officer lie?” Bottom line, prosecutors can’t express their personal opinions on the strength of a case or the credibility of witnesses.
There are also allegations that at least one Assistant US Attorney had an ex parte conversation with a grand juror, which is a huge no-no that law students learn about during their first week. The whole thing is so bad as to be nearly unbelievable. I guess this is what happens when there’s a mass exodus at the DOJ and you have a bunch of unqualified dipshits running everything. It also makes me wonder what kind of oversight is happening in that office.
I expect we will see some bar discipline handed down over this one.
Father of the Year rides again
This would be sad if they weren’t all such awful people.
Great guy all around.
The High Note
Each Day, I do my best to leave you with a smile on your face, a song in your heart, and the will to fight another day.
Last night was Stephen Colbert’s last show, and I think we are losing far more than just another late-night variety program. While I was a bigger fan of The Colbert Report than The Late Show, I’m grateful for what Colbert has done to oppose the creep of fascism and stand against Trump, and for his wealth of Lord of the Rings knowledge. After last night, LOTR dorks are now, once again, wildly underrepresented on late-night television.
Imagine being David Ellison and having to go about your day knowing that Bruce Freakin’ Springsteen hates you and is shit-talking you on national television. Brutal. I’d walk into the sea.
Hey, survive and advance out there today, kids. Don’t let the bastards get you down. I hope you all have a wonderful Memorial Day, and I’ll see you Tuesday.
