Losing My Perspicacity, July 3, 2025

On Sean Combs, #MeToo, and why women don't leave

Author

Julie DiCaro
July 03, 2025

Good morning and Happy Thursday! Thanks for reading this morning.

Before we get into all the political news of the day, I wanted to take a moment to talk about the jury verdict that came down in the criminal sex trafficking case against Sean (Puff Daddy, P Diddy, whatever-the-fuck) Combs.

“#MeToo has gone too far” is a phrase I’ve seen often on social media since 2017. In the minds of some men (and, sadly, women), we’ve evolved into a world where men “can’t say anything” to women without fear of being accused of wrongdoing. Having worked in several workplaces where I was the only woman, I can assure you that is not the case. Perhaps men are a little more wary about viewing porn at work (which I’ve seen) and asking their female colleagues for nudes (which I’ve also seen), but by and large the working world continues pretty much as it always has — with women mostly shutting up and taking it.

The legal world isn’t much different, as both Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby had convictions thrown out, despite allegations from over 140 women between the two of them. It’s impossible to talk about this issue without mentioning that the United States elected a man adjudicated a sexual abuser by a jury to the office of President, despite more than 25 allegations of sexual misconduct of his own. He, in turn, then nominated five men accused of sexual misconduct and/or domestic abuse to cabinet positions.

I spent part of yesterday watching the Netflix documentary on American Apparel, which also features a powerful man accused of harassing and sexually assaulting numerous female employees. One of the young men featured in the documentary said (and I’m paraphrasing) of the abuser, “For some reason, we’ve decided as a society just to let men behave like this.” Truer words have never been spoken. Men like Harvey Weinstein, Sean Combs, and Dov Charney (allegedly) continue to get away with this kind of abuse because we let them.

That’s what I was thinking about when the Combs verdict came down, from a jury where men outnumbered the women 2 to 1. A jury that, despite video of Combs chasing Cassie Ventura down a hotel hallway, beating her while she was on the ground, and dragging her back to his room, found Combs “not guilty” of forcing her to take part in his “freak offs.” It reeks of “well, if he was so abusive, why didn’t she leave?”

It seems that, when it comes to powerful men, there is never enough evidence to justify the full might of the criminal justice system. And the women who put their lives, reputations, and futures on the line to try to take these guys down? Juries apparently regard them with little more than a smirk and an “I’ll take your words under advisement” attitude.

Over a combined 10 days, two of Sean Combs’s girlfriends told a jury about some of the most harrowing moments of their lives.

The women, Casandra Ventura and a woman known in court by the pseudonym “Jane,” testified about their affection for Mr. Combs, but also the myriad ways they said he abused them physically, emotionally and sexually. There was what they called drug-dazed sex with strangers in hotel rooms. Violent arguments. Physical abuse. And not-so-subtle reminders about who paid the rent.

Their testimony, however, was ultimately not persuasive to the jurors who were asked to consider whether Mr. Combs had coerced Ms. Ventura or Jane into the extended sex sessions with male escorts that he called “freak-offs.”

Having both represented men accused of domestic abuse and sexual assault and the women who try to hold them responsible, I know how fraught leaving an abusive relationship is. Not only do abusers often isolate their victims from friends, family, and resources that would help them leave, but they also frequently control the couple’s finances and threaten to harm (or take away) children and pets. In the case of Combs’ accusers, not even laying all the evidence at the feet of the jury was enough for Combs to be held accountable, so how possible would leaving have been? How many people looked the other way while Combs degraded and abused women for his enjoyment?

Then there’s the fact that the most dangerous time for women in an abusive relationship is when they leave. In fact, 77 percent of domestic abuse-related homicides happen when the victim leaves the abuser. And that danger lasts for a full 18 months after the relationship ends. The average victim will attempt to leave her abuser seven times before she’s successful. Too often, the violence she suffers escalates each time she tries to leave.

There are a myriad of other reasons victims stay in abusive relationships: Shelters run out of room (or don’t take kids or pets), abusers often threaten suicide, and families pressure couples to stay together. Abusers are usually masters of disguise, convincing their communities that they are incapable of harming anyone. More than once, I witnessed abusers bringing their pastors to court to testify on their behalf.

But don’t discount the power of love. Back when I was doing my training in domestic violence dynamics, a long-time advocate for victims told my class, “Don’t forget about love. Victims truly love their abusers, and abusers truly love their victims.” Love is powerful. Love has started wars, toppled kings, and upended empires. Is it so hard to believe that someone could love their partner despite abuse? And even if a relationship doesn’t fall into the “I’d burn the world for you” kind of love, most people genuinely care about the well-being of their partner and want the best for them. That sentiment isn’t limited to non-abusive relationships.

I’ve mentioned before that I never reported my sexual assault during Spring Break of my senior year of college. It wasn’t that I was afraid of my rapist, but I was terrified of having to tell my story over and over again to men decades older than me, knowing they’d likely be skeptical, at best, of my trauma. And if I got a detail wrong, even once, it could blow my credibility to smithereens. That’s still the case, even though we now know that trauma plays havoc with one’s memory. The thought of having to lay my trauma bare, over and over throughout legal proceedings; of having to convince a group of strangers that I was telling the truth, was too steep a hill for me to even consider climbing.

I’d be remiss here if I didn’t mention the latest threat to abuse victims: Being sued by your abuser. Disgraced author Neil Gaiman, who often claimed to be a champion of women, is just one of the alleged abusers who is suing his victims (in Gaiman’s case, for violating a non-disclosure agreement). Defamation lawsuits have been used as a cudgel against abuse allegations by men like Johnny Depp, MLB pitcher Trevor Bauer, and Jay-Z.

I’m constantly in awe of the courage of women like Cassie Ventura, Christine Blasey Ford, Dr. Anita Hill, and E. Jean Carroll, each of whom knew exactly what would happen to their lives upon coming forward, yet they did it anyway. The amount of fortitude it takes to accuse a powerful man — knowing the blowback that will come with it — is staggering.

So instead of spending today wallowing in the knowledge that Americans still don’t understand the psychology and dynamics of violence against women, I’m going to direct my brain to feel gratitude and reverence for the brave women who have put it all on the line so that our daughters’ daughters will live in a better America than we do.

I’m gonna make the rest of today quick because, frankly, I’m emotionally exhausted by the Combs verdict. If you’d consider helping a girl out by clicking on the ad below, I’d appreciate it.

Real News for Real People — Not Partisans

Feeling like you want to get off the rollercoaster of polarizing politics? Read Tangle — an independent and nonpartisan political newsletter recently profiled on This American Life for helping to bridge the gap between politically divided families. Each day, the newsletter unpacks one important news story, examining it from all sides of the political spectrum.

The big, butt-ugly bill

As I write this newsletter, House Republicans are trying to pass a bill that will exponentially increase financing for ICE, void taxes on gun silencers, decimate green energy initiatives, deprive poor children of subsidized meals, and throw 20 million Americans off of Medicaid. If you’re one of the millions of Americans wondering how Republicans can bring themselves to do this, the NYT might have the answer for you.

A clique of House Freedom Caucus members walked out of the White House in the early afternoon, their attitudes seemingly adjusted. Representative Tim Burchett, Republican of Tennessee, was one of them. He posted a video on social media gushing about the two-hour experience he’d just had with his president.

“The president was wonderful, as always,” Mr. Burchett said in the video. “Informative, funny, he told me he likes seeing me on TV, which was kind of cool.” Representative Byron Donalds, Republican of Florida, is shown in the video, too. “Did you show them what he signed for you?” Mr. Donalds asks Mr. Burchett. “Yeah, he signed a bunch of stuff,” Mr. Burchett said. “It’s cool.”

***

Mr. Trump knows how to make lowly lawmakers feel special. He sends them handwritten attaboys. He takes their phone calls at all hours of the day, even interrupting high-level West Wing meetings so as not to miss them. He brings them to Ultimate Fighting Championship fights and sits them ringside with his entourage. He invites them into the social whirl at Mar-a-Lago. All of which can feel incredibly heady for small-time members of Congress who lead unglamorous, workaday lives.

If I had to guess, I’d bet this bill will be done and passed by the time you read this in the morning. If it’s not, maybe we’ll have something to cheer about. But chances are that Trump will come up with something so irresistible that House Republicans will trip over each other to fall in line. All in the name of giving billionaires the tax cuts Trump promised them.

AOC: This bill is a deal with the devil. It explodes our national debt. It militarizes our entire economy. It strips away health care and basic dignity of the American people for what? To give Elon Musk a tax break.. We cannot stand for it. And we will not support it. You should be ashamed

— Acyn (@acyn.bsky.social)2025-07-02T15:38:14.626Z

Nothing to see here

Just a lunatic with an outsized influence over the President of the United States calling for the murder of the entire Latino population of the United States.

The entire Latino population in the U.S. is 65 million. She means all of us.

— El Norte Recuerda (@elnorterecuerda.bsky.social)2025-07-02T17:49:55.707Z

Are we still scolding people for comparing the right to Nazis?

Speaking of Nazis, here’s DHS’ Kristi Noem laughing while standing in front of a bumch of cages designed to hold human beings who have committed no crime.

Hilarious! Treating people like animals is such a riot.

By the way, in typical MAGA fashion, “Alligator Alcatraz” is already flooding.

Kilmar Abrego Garcia details torture in legal filing

Kilmar Abrego Garcia is suing the Trump administration over his wrongful and illegal deportation, and rightfully so. You’ll recall that Abrego Garcia spent several months at the infamous CECOT prison in El Salvador, while lawyers and advocates worked feverishly to get him home. Earlier this week, Abrego Garcia asked a federal judge to keep him in jail, rather than risking ICE snapping him up once he’s free.

Now, in a new court filing, Abrego Garcia has detailed his treatment while in CECOT:

While being held at the so-called Terrorism Confinement Center (Cecot) in El Salvador, Ábrego García and 20 other men “were forced to kneel from approximately 9:00 PM to 6:00 AM”, according to the court papers filed by his lawyers in the federal district court in Maryland.

Guards struck anyone who fell from exhaustion while kneeling, and during that time, “Ábrego García was denied bathroom access and soiled himself”, according to the filing.

Detainees were held in an overcrowded cell with no windows, and bright lights on 24 hours a day. They were confined to metal bunk beds with no mattresses.

(emphasis added)

And it seems that no one clued the CECOT guards in on the fiction they were supposed to be maintaining that Abrego Garcia was a gang member.

His lawyers say he lost 31 pounds during his first two weeks of confinement. Later, they write, he and four others were transferred to a different part of the prison “where they were photographed with mattresses and better food–photos that appeared to be staged to document improved conditions”.

The filings also note that officials within the prison acknowledged that Ábrego García was not a gang member, and that his tattoos did not indicate a gang affiliation. “Prison officials explicitly acknowledged that plaintiff Ábrego García’s tattoos were not gang-related, telling him ‘your tattoos are fine,’” per the filing, and they kept him in a cell separate from those accused of gang membership.

The prison officials, however, threatened to move Ábrego García into a cell with gang members whom officials said “would ‘tear’ him apart”.

(emphasis added)

The cruelty is not only the point, it’s the priority.

The High Note

Each Day, I do my best to leave you with a smile on your face, a song in your heart, and the will to fight another day.

Please enjoy this clip of Bradley Whitford talking about Wilford Brimley’s hobbies:

I looked up what movie Bradley Whitford and Wilford Brimley were in together, and it was 1996’s My Fellow Americans, starring Dan Aykroyd, James Garner, and Jack Lemmon. Apropos of nothing, that’s VEEP’s Timothy Simons and Matt Walsh talking to Whitford.

When a group of us were accepting a Peabody Award in 2017, the whole cast of VEEP was seated at the table right in front of the stage. I was trying to wave to Julia Louis-Dreyfus the entire time we were up there (with no success), but Simons was actually really lovely and high-fived all of us as we left the dais, then grabbed me later to say “congrats.” Hilarious, if you’re familiar with Jonah Ryan or the character Simons played on The Handmaid’s Tale.

Hey, survive and advance out there today. Don’t let the bastards get you down.

I’m going to take the Fourth off, so I’ll see you all again on Monday.

Regardless of what happens in Congress, prioritize the well-being of those in your community. This, too, shall pass.

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